What Netflix’s Adolescence teaches us about children and their world view By Aakanksha Doshi
The Anxious Generation
The aftereffects of ‘Adolescence’ and what comes next
If, like me, you were left feeling iffy after watching the popular Netflix show ‘Adolescence’, then you’re not alone. Right at the outset, the show establishes itself as a “whydunnit” more than the cliche and obvious tale of who.
After I finished the finale, I was left oscillating between feelings of relief - the fact that someone had finally made a show about such an important topic, despair - thinking about the heartbreaking ending, helplessness - as Jamie sincerely believed he’d done no wrong and largely, the most daunting feeling of them all, anxiety. Where do we go from here?
At the start of the show, I vehemently believed that the police had misunderstood the situation. There was no way a teenager was capable of this. But more than the video evidence, the episode with the child psychologist left me shaken and changed my views about the teenage protagonist. Working in education over the last decade, I can safely say that children growing up today face a very unique set of challenges which are absolutely unknown and unfamiliar to parents, teachers, caregivers and most importantly to themselves. Now more than ever, children need to lean into their parents - not their peers.
The show leaves us with mind-boggling questions - what is the best way to parent? Am I too involved? Am I not involved? Should I monitor my child’s screen? Should my child even have access to social media? And the list is endless…
Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician, leans into this in his book ‘Hold on to your kids - Why parents need to matter more than peers’. While there’s no denying that children learn a great deal from their peers - this could mean that their formative years are shaped greatly by someone their own age, who doesn’t necessarily know any better than them. Maté emphasizes the importance of a strong parent-child attachment for a healthy development. He suggests that one of the primary reasons for peer orientation is the significance of social media. From a local to a global context, this seems to be a common trajectory for adolescent years.
Some researchers believe that certain types of curriculum lend themselves to a more holistic approach such as the International Baccalaureate program versus the traditional state curriculum. And while schooling has its place in the upbringing of a child; the home environment, digital hygiene and peer interactions play the most pivotal role.
So, is this happening only now? Or are we just more aware now?
Jonathan Haidt in his book ‘The Anxious Generation’ talks about how the rise in mental health issues among young people is linked to the decline of “play-based childhoods” and the rise of “phone-based childhoods” driven by smartphones and social media. Haidt argues that this is the great rewiring of childhood - something unique to this generation of digital natives. He also emphasizes on the importance of unstructured play time, a crucial aspect of building resilience and social skills.
Where do we go from here? Being an educator, I am always asked this question. And my number one answer is modeling. Model the behaviour you want your child to follow. Want them to read more? Model it. Want them to get off their phones? Model it. Want them to demonstrate kindness and resilience? Model it.
In this ever-changing world, children are being exposed to adult themes at a much faster rate than the previous generations. Themes of toxic masculinity, the influence of online culture, peer pressure, helplessness and grief are a few explored by the show. Talking about these, having an open dialogue at home, creating a shared and safe space are just some of the many ways to start the conversation.
It's never too late to start modelling and starting conversations around these topics with your child, however depending on their age, they may already be using smartphones or engaging in social media. More and more social media companies and phone manufacturers now have built-in features to encourage users and parents to reclaim some ownership about the amount of time they spent and content they are exposed to. Such as the family centre’ on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat allows parents to have more supervision of their teenagers' online activity. Apple Screen Time and Google Family Link allow parents to see how much time their children spend on applications and set limits on how much is too much. Furthermore, tools such as Norton Family and Qustido offer more protection and tools on a range of devices. While such tools allow parents to have more oversight over their children’s online activity, it must be balanced with open communication and agreements with your child. If you all agree that 3 hours of social media a weekday is too much, then what ways can we make sure we don’t go over that limit. Sometimes adding reminders and limits through these tools and settings can help children, teenagers and even adults set limits and practice a healthy digital balance. Whatever approach you take with your children, too much of anything can be unhealthy and it's about reflecting and practicing a positive relationship with technology.
If Adolescence has shown us anything, it is that there are many factors that shape a young person's outlook on friendship, relationship and how they behave socially. Setting high standards on what positive social behaviour looks like and limiting their exposure to negative behaviours that can easily find their way to the top of your child's feed is a great place to start.
*Views are all Aakanksha’s own.*
ABOUT THE WRITER: Aakanksha Doshi has been working in international education for the last decade. She has taught in schools in the UK and now in India. Apart from being an IB examiner and a DEIJ practitioner, she is also the pastoral grade lead at an international school in Mumbai. When she's not immersed in teaching & learning, you may find her searching for her next Japanese read or spending time with her family and pet shihtzhu.
